


Call Me a Safe Bet

by aiIenzo



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 14:33:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aiIenzo/pseuds/aiIenzo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wasn't the safe option, he never would be</p>
            </blockquote>





	Call Me a Safe Bet

**Author's Note:**

> Song lyrics are from "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot," by Brand New

_If it makes you less sad_   
_I will die by your hand_   
_I hope you find out what you want_   
_Already know what I am_

The horrible thing about finding someone to complete you, is the distinctly incomplete feeling you’re left with when they’re gone. Gavin’s breathing is quiet, his room heavy. The sunlight pouring through the open window warms the skin on his arms, reminiscent of a touch he hadn’t felt in over two weeks. Of Michael. He wonders, drearily, when the memories will stop blossoming in his mind, clouding his days, lifting his spirits only to dismantle them moments later, when the smart sting of reality breaks though and all he can see is Michael’s mouth moving into careless words.

"I can’t do this, Gavin."

Gavin moves, and the chair creaks beneath him. His skin is cold, and he knows it, but maybe, just for a moment, he could pretend Michael was there. Gavin knew exactly who he was and what he needed, but he was only one half of a whole.

 

_And if it makes you less sad_   
_We’ll start talking again_   
_You can tell me how vile_   
_Already know that I am_

Michael watched Gavin carefully everyday, looking coyly for signs of wear, signs of breakage. He never expected his honesty to hurt so deeply, especially after an incident that resulted from nothing but Michael’s selfish decisions. He hadn’t asked Gavin if it was okay to press their lips together, hadn’t stopped to consider the remarkable friendship he was laying to waste, hadn’t believed Gavin would take a surge of lust in a drunken night and turn it into something Michael hadn’t intended.

And he was cold. He blew it off, blew Gavin off, a swift reminder of how little it had meant to him pouring from his mouth and into Gavin’s heart before Michael could realize he was lying. That he had been lying.

And when Gavin turns his chair to leave, eyes flashing with hurt and anger and unprecedented amounts of despair, Michael feels his eyes burn. They didn’t talk anymore. He knew what he had done, and sometimes, he was scared it was too late.

 

_I’ll grow old_   
_Start acting my age_   
_I’ll be a brand new day_   
_In a life that you hate_

 

They were punctual, they were professional, and they were silent. They became subdued, trying to respect their flawed intimacy with a forced demeanor of acceptance. Words were carefully chosen and actions were executed to be natural, flowing, and friendly. They were walled, bouncing words and ideas and small jokes, but allowing nothing to penetrate the shells they had encased themselves in. For Michael, he melted in his shame, for Gavin, he simmered in grief and humiliation.

They were miserable.

 

_A crown of gold_   
_A heart that’s harder than stone_   
_And it hurts a whole lot_   
_But it’s missed when it’s gone_

Weeks went by, and their formalities melded, an act that guaranteed them a day of shutting themselves in, but going unnoticed by their coworkers. And it was in this time that Michael began to see things he hadn’t noticed before, each bubble of new ideas sending currents of understanding and desperation through him.

Gavin was furious. Gavin was livid, and hurt, and each small look at Michael was nothing more than a reminder of the pain he was going through at Michael’s expense. But as much as Michael tried to respect Gavin’s rage, all he could see was the Gavin he had always known, banging his knee on his desk and asking for help to open his lunch packet, and making small irritable noises as he edited.

And there was nothing more perfect.

Michael spent most of his time staring now, wordless gazes that Gavin ignored. But despite Gavin’s anger, despite their broken friendship, it wasn’t until Michael would go home every night did he realize what emptiness truly was.

He’d rather have a furious Gavin beside him, than be anywhere without him. He laid in bed and cursed himself, trying to understand his own hardened heart.

 

_Call me a safe bet_   
_I’m betting I’m not_   
_Glad that you can forgive_   
_I’m only hoping as time goes, you can forget_

"I thought… what about last night, though?"

"I don’t know, Gavin, we were drunk. I was really stupid, I’m sorry."

"It’s…it’s fine. It’s okay."

"Just try and forget about it happened."

_If it makes you less sad_   
_I’ll move out of the state_   
_You can keep to yourself_   
_I’ll keep out of your way_

 

Thinking back, he should have realized something was wrong when Gavin avoided him the few days afterwards. He didn’t blame him though, initially. Waking up naked next to your best friend doesn’t exactly fall under most people’s “comfortable” category. But Gavin didn’t come back to him. He remained distant. He remained guarded. Maybe if Michael had said something initially. Maybe if he had talked about it sooner, it would have been easier.

 

_And if it makes you less sad_   
_I’ll take your pictures all down_   
_Every picture you paint_   
_I will paint myself out_

"You’ve been pretty distant lately. Something up?"

"Bugger off, Michael."

"I said I was sorry, okay? I thought we were just going to forget about it?"

"Maybe I don’t _want_ you to be sorry! …Maybe I don’t want to forget; think about that?”

"…Gavin-"

"Leave me alone, Michael. I can’t be around you anymore. Not now."

_It’s cold as a tomb_   
_And it’s dark in your room_   
_When I sneak to your bed_   
_To pour salt in your wounds_

 

Six days later, Michael couldn’t take it. After work he grabbed Gavin’s arm, holding him back as everyone filed out despite Gavin’s fiery protests. When the door shut behind them, he pressed his lips against Gavin’s without hesitation, hoping that the sparks between them so many weeks ago had been merely the affects of alcohol.

He was wrong, however, and his brain went into overdrive as he felt Gavin’s defenses crumble, his muscles going slack against him as he fell into Michael’s chest, tilting his head and slipping his tongue into Michael’s mouth. Michael’s hands found Gavin’s hair and he tangled his fingers in it, pulling slightly and relishing in the way Gavin let slip a small moan. His thoughts were a melting pot of desire, curiosity, and the overwhelming need to feel as much of Gavin’s skin as was possible. Flashes of that night replayed to him, Gavin against him, beneath him, around him, and the sweet, shadows of words that Michael had barely heard.

"You’re everything."

And Michael pulled back. His heartbeat was erratic and he realized, fuck, he realized he’d been making the same mistakes. He couldn’t give Gavin everything, he couldn’t give him the world he deserved, the love he deserved, the promise of tomorrow, of forever. He wasn’t the safe option, he never would be. Gavin’s eyes were studying him, his expression being lost to first confusion, then fear, then horrible heartbreak as Michael backed away.

One step.

Two steps, and Gavin reached out for him.

Three steps and Michael swallowed, turned, and ran for his car.

_So call it quits_   
_Or get a grip_   
_Say you wanted a solution_   
_You just wanted to be missed_

"I just want to fucking know where this is going, Michael!"

"Gavin, I don’t…I don’t have answers. Please, I’m sorry."

"Damnit, Michael."

"Gavin, please, I don’t know…. I just miss you, okay?"

"Yeah. Get used to it."

 

_Call me a safe bet_   
_I’m betting I’m not_   
_Glad that you can forgive_   
_I’m only hoping as time goes, you can forget_

 

Gavin forgave him. He always does.

But he couldn’t forget.

He tried, he really did. But each glance at Michael in the seat beside him was a cue for a wave of memories, each brush of Michael’s arm was a flashback of hot skin against his, and every time he called Gavin’s name was an agonizing reminder that Gavin knew exactly where to touch him to get that name pouring out of Michael’s mouth a little more desperate, a little more hot and rushed.

Soon, Gavin stopped trying. He avoided Michael at whatever cost, and lived in his memories, pretending things had gone differently. It made him happier. It made the days easier.

 

_So you can forget_

_You can forget_

_You are calm and reposed_   
_Lets your beauty unfold_   
_Pale white, like the skin_   
_Stretched over your bones_

 

Michael couldn’t stop. The more Gavin attempted to ignore him, the more infatuated Michael became. He took to blatantly watching Gavin work, watching the muscles of his arm stretch as he moved his mouse, watching his eyes narrow when Gavin concentrated particularly hard. During Let’s Play’s he would slip glances at Gavin, fingers fumbling on the controller, eyes bright with anticipation. He’d even risk inserting mocking “You’re beautiful“‘s and “Gavvy Wavvys,” because he just _had_ to. Because he couldn’t stop. And through Gavin’s calm, collected presence around Michael, he’d let a smile slip, and Michael tried to convince himself it wasn’t the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

 

_Spring keeps you ever close_   
_You are second hand smoke_   
_You are so fragile and thin_   
_Standing trial for your sins_

 

It took Gavin a long time to realize his resolve had melted. His steadfast decision to ignore Michael, to downgrade their friendship until only intermittent conversation was acceptable proved to have a pitifully short lifespan, and as hard as he tried, Gavin couldn’t get Michael out of his line of sight, away from his senses. Michael was always there, suffocating him with reminders and what ifs and a constant desire to go back to what they had.

He was seeping into Gavin as only Michael ever could, and Gavin couldn’t fathom whether he was choking, dying, or being revived.

 

_Holding onto yourself_   
_The best you can_   
_You are the smell before rain_   
_You are the blood in my veins_

 

They had game night at Geoff’s house, and Michael and Gavin both declined drinking. Michael took to pressing himself into the sofa, watching as Gavin and a drunk Geoff furiously tried to outdo each other on Halo. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Gavin, not wanting to miss a single movement, a quick laugh, a small smile he would throw at Michael, still shy, still nervous.

Everything became a small wonder to Michael, and he couldn’t help but feel a tremendous weight on his mind as he realized how easily he had almost broken him. But each of those ripples of guilt were drowned out by the fact that Gavin had remained intact, his hope uncrushed and his happiness steadfast. He had brooded, but he had forgiven, and Michael knew that there was no greater miracle in his world. There was no greater gift given to Michael than his acceptance.

Gavin was everything to him.

 

_Call me a safe bet_   
_I’m betting I’m not_   
_Glad that you can forgive_   
_I’m only hoping as time goes, you can forget_

"Gavin?"

"Michael?"

"I don’t want to forget, either."


End file.
